Satire Saturdays: Apple Invites Fans to Immortalize their Dying Family Members as the Voice of Siri

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Satire Saturdays: Apple Invites Fans to Immortalize their Dying Family Members as the Voice of Siri

Apple Invites Fans to Immortalize their Dying Family Members as the Voice of Siri

Long known for their new and revolutionary ideas, Apple has decided to push boundaries again, but this time on a sentimental level. Tim Cook, the tech giants CEO, recently invited a select group of beta iPhone 5 users to participate in a new program for immortalizing dying loved ones as the voice of Siri on your phone.

“What if” said Cook in an interview “you could keep your loved ones with you forever, if all you had to do to hear their voice was to push a button? Well, with our new Siri program, you can. Imagine asking your phone where to eat, and instead of hearing an impersonal female voice, you hear your grandmother telling you about her favorite restaurant. Or your dad telling you where to get the best burgers. It’s hard to imagine a world where the things you love are that close to you, but it’s here now.”

While currently only open to a select number of people, the program requires each ‘Siri Voice’ to be flown into the Apple headquarters where they record their voice for use in the Siri program. The recording takes some 120 hours, which would be split up into 2-4 hour recording sessions for the comfort of the person recording. When finished, each recording will be taken and audio mastered for perfect quality and definition, and then used to create a unique Siri program for the owner.

When finished, the person could ask Siri anything to get an answer in the voice of their loved one, even after that person has passed away.
It’s revolutionary” says Cook, “We’re proud to say that we really have found a way to let you keep your loved ones with you forever,”

The new program is now in the test phase, and the beta group, which includes mostly Apple employees and their families, will receive the new Siri voiceover for free. Apple’s update to their website suggests that the new feature should be available in mid 2014, and will cost about $12,599 per person. For an additional $9,999 Apple is willing to provide a holographic chip of your loved one speaking, perfectly recorded in crisp HD video to be placed on the tombstone after their death. The hologram, like the Siri Voiceover, will be able to answer all questions including location based options and will connect to the internet using the Bluetooth on the owners iPhone. Once created, the Siri voiceover can be shared to any number of phones for just $99 each, making it possible to share the voice of your loved one with family, friends, and even complete strangers who might be comforted by their voice. Meanwhile, Microsoft has just announced a competing feature to hit stores in 2015, for $500″

If you’ve gone looking for this on Apple’s site and couldn’t find it we invite you to get your head checked. $12,599 is way too much to even consider paying for anything. Seriously!

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Proliferate writer, sesquipedalian, techie, Apple fangirl (don’t judge),tree hugger, yogi, tea drinker, zombie hunter. Into philotherianism & philomathy. Love my job. Visit me on Google +

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