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Five Reasons Derby Girls Will Have No Problems Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse

Five Reasons Derby Girls Will Have No Problems Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse

Zombies are the cool kids of the sci-fi world right now and there popularity is only growing as more and more major films and TV shows come out. Despite this, to date there has not been a derby girl in a zombie film. Why not? Probably because she’d kick to much a** and the heroes of the film would have to go home in second place. With that in mind, here are five reasons roller derby girls will have no problems surviving the zombie apocalypse!

They’re Fast

roller skates

If you’ve never been to a roller derby tournament then you still probably have some idea of how fast roller skates can go. When the speed of adding a bunch of wheels to your feet is combined with the idea of adding bigger wheels and months or years of practice and training, you have a bunch of women who can move very quickly over almost anything. Most derby girls know how to jump, skate on most hard surfaces (because some tracks are still dirt) and can usually manage stairs, slopes, and other obstacles more quickly than a person on foot. A normal quad skater can maintain 5-8 miles per hour, or more than fast enough to stay ahead of pursuing zombies. When you consider that skating all out is usually 2-3 times faster than regular skating, you have a bunch of ladies who can get somewhere in a pinch.

zombie roller derby

The ladies of the Lonestar Roller Derby Team

They Work in Teams

Derby girls are used to working together in teams and they will have no trouble at all integrating that teamwork into killing zombies. Derby girls typically skate together in an attempt to protect the jammer by blocking and hindering other skaters. When turned against zombies, it could be used to help protect each other, make more kills, and really kill a lot more zombies than everyone who is still standing around arguing about who’s in charge.

roller derby zomnbies

They’re Used to Being Violent

Derby girls are derby girls, and derby means slamming into other players at high speed, blocking them, and otherwise engaging in a full contact sport. These women are used to slamming into people and things, knocking things out of the way, and using violence to win. Essentially, they’re perfect for the zombie apocalypse. Who needs a chainsaw when you’ve got the equivalent of a sexy Hulk on skates?

roller derby zombies

They Have an Easy Getaway

While everyone else is honking their horns waiting for the traffic jam to let up, derby girls can effortlessly skate between cars and make their way to safety. They can also use sidewalks, rooftops, and other less frequented areas to make their escape while everyone in four wheeled vehicles sits by and stares in envy. All they have to do is watch out for soda bottle caps.

at the 2010 Texas Frightmare Weekend Zombie Walk.

They’re Mostly Harmless if Bitten

While derby girls are hell on wheels they aren’t impervious to being bitten. Luckily while derby girls are awesome on skates, their zombie counterparts aren’t likely to be. Instead, expect a hilarious bit of tumbling and dragging along the ground as the zombie tries to get up only to loose its balance and fall over time and time again. Of course, a zombie on skates is still dangerous if you don’t’ see it on the ground, but a lot easier to avoid than one that can walk or (heaven forbid) run after you.
If you haven’t come to the conclusion that roller derby girls would definitely survive the zombie apocalypse better than you then you should go see a match. Watching these girls in action is sure to convince you that you definitely need them on your side in case of a zombie attack!

zombie roller derby

Most importantly, you have to support your local roller derby team, because those ladies could just save your life in case of the zombie apocalypse.

 

About Katrina O'Reilly

Kat goes by her game handle MissTRex. Born in Jaynesfield Wisconsin,she is currently studying game design at Full Sail University where she will graduate in 2015. She plays games and frequently purchases, rent's and borrows new ones. Come back each week to read her new game reviews on the High Tech Society.

Comments

  1. Brandy Cross says:

    Derby girls rock ofc