Satire Saturdays: George R.R. Martin Stops Writing After Fans Tell Him He’s Writing Too Fast
George R.R. Martin Stops Writing After Fans Tell Him He’s Writing Too Fast
George R.R. Martin, acclaimed author, famous for his notable works the Tales of Dunk and Egg, the Song of Ice and Fire Trilogy, and numerous short stories and novellas, has recently ceased writing after receiving numerous threats from fans because he’s ‘writing too fast’.
“These novels are long”, says one fan holding up a copy of the 1040 page A Dance with Dragons, “I need more time to read what he’s already written” she pouts, and then goes on to say “The first two took five years, he should go back to doing that”. An emphatic agreement from the audience backs up her point.
Martin, who has been, until now, slowly spreading his work across a number of years had released the first of the 7 book series ‘A Song of Ice and Fire’ in 1996, and the series now spans across two decades, the oldest book now being older than many of the fans. But after recent acclaim and the conversion of his books into a widely popular TV show, the author switched out his popular slow and steady method into a promise to write faster, his next book due out a mere 2 and a half years after the release of his previous one. Unfortunately, fans say it’s too fast, especially with the December release of the series prequel “The Princess and the Queen” about to hit stores. Most are saying they just won’t have the time to finish reading it before the early 2014 release of Winds of Winter.
“We can’t read this fast!” Yells one angry fan at a convention “You have to write slower”. After words were exchanged, the angered fan stepped down when the 5’6″ heavyweight author brandished his fists, purportedly returning the threats with some of his own.
“I’m sick of receiving death threats”, Martin sighs in a private interview before leaving in his limo , “I just wanted to write how I wanted, but the fans won’t let up so I’m stepping down”.
Martin is now reported to have withdrawn to his home in Sante Fe, New Mexico with plans to pause writing in order to make room for his fans. While he has not mentioned delaying the release of the two upcoming books “The Princess and the Queen,” or “The Winds of Winter” most presume that he won’t have any choice.
“Finally,” a new fan of the series Jessica Noveau says, “I’ll have time to read through these”, she points to the impressive stack of pages that she purchased as part of a box set of the first five books. “No more worrying about the next one coming out too soon.”
The next Game of Thrones TV series is due out in early 2014, and by all accounts, will mean that fans want even more time before Winds of Winter comes out. For now, the 65 year old author who goes by the name GRRM has refused further comment.